When do i feel alive

A friend recently asked me to recollect a recent moment when I felt alive. I countered with what could only be the guy-est of guy moments, cycling down the Alps in a bike I had recently fixed. Yet the stereotypicalness of it all itches somehow, it feels like I simply played back something I should find an “alive moment” rather than choose one. So here’s me breaking down this thought I guess.

When do I feel alive?

After I asked this question to a group of friends, these are some of the answers that came up:

It is when I feel intense experiences.

It is when I am at crossroads of life.

It is when I feel present in a moment.

These are all connected to an idea of what life should be, right? Which reminds me, I know someone who had ideas about that too:

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”

Mary Oliver clearly prioritized the presence part, rather than possibility. Far be it from me to disagree with her, but is that all there is? Would a prisoner find as much attention and astonishment as a free person?

In culture

I recently read a comic called Daytripper. Allow me to give you the synopsis:

Brás de Oliva Domingos, the protagonist of the story, is the son of Benedito, an internationally renowned writer. He dreams to follow in his father’s footsteps, but spends a good part of his early career writing the obituaries for a local newspaper. Only in his free time does he pursue his dream of being a novelist, which finally leads to the release of his first book. During the course of the ten episodes, however, the reader witnesses important days in Brás’ life, including the challenges he is facing: travel, family, relationship, childhood, fatherhood. Each episode ends in a different version of him dying, all addressing the big questions of ‘what is the meaning of life?’ and ‘what do you want to do with your life?

I, for lack of a better word, absolutely loved this comic. Especially the concept of these deaths, each one signifying a road he does not travel, a choice he does not make, and a life he does not live. So I think that for Brás, living is very much about all the paths he chooses to take at these important moments.

On a very different side, let’s take a look at the videoclip for Beautiful Now. The characters in it are all put through situations where they question and challenge their lives, and need to make difficult decisions. On the chorus however (TA TA TA TATATA TA TA sorry I couldn’t hold it), you see a series of snapshots, celebrations of life, both positive and negative. These are major life events like births or funerals, moments of pure joy with friends and lovers, moments of intense physicality and presence in sports or nature and moments of just being at home, at peace. Okay obviously most characters are young and hot which adds to the appeal, but I do think it is an interesting position on what are some more “stereotypical” moments of living and how a dominant culture narrative (this video does have 250m vies) cultivates those. This video is probably one of the reasons why I first answered what I did with the Alps biking.

Is life the opposite of death?

One could see life as the opposite of death. Death means permanence, absence of possibility, absence of emotion and sense, cold, past. In that vein, life would be dynamic, full of potential, emotional and sensual, warm, current and future.

My brain then immediately says woah great, that’s a list, how do I convert it into reality?

Travel is dynamic. A station is full of potential. A play is emotional. A hike engages all your senses. A loved one’s embrace is warm. As for the future one, yeah, I’m empty there.

I took these things above, and I made a game. And I played it with my friend all across the Netherlands and for a day we were truly alive by any measure I’d have used. You can see it over here: The game of travel.

What if it is not?

But what if life is not the opposite of death? What if death is the opposite of life, or rather life is more than that? After all, death does create life, and life does lead to death.

This is a thought for future Alex to complete, I hope.